I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
