That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
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