I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
