I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
