All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
