He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
