So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
