Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
