O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
