Me too!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
