I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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