Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
