oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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