When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
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Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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