Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
