you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
