remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
