i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
