How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I want her autograph on my taint
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
