Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
