your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
