Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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