When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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