There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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