i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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