I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
