If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
