Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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