He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
