The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Randomize
