i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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