you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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