I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
