My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
