We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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