Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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