Kiss
Puke
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
is that a dick in a sweater?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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