I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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