Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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