and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
