her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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