hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
