Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
