you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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