Cold hands, warm shart.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
