you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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