i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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