I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
