Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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