Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
