I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
