i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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