So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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