all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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