yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We need to get me chipped asap
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
