You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
50% drunk capacity currently
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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