i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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