Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
