please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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