Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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