Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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