Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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