i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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