You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
