Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
