I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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