There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We have started to decorate penises.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
