just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
