Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dicks are not precious.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
