thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
