I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
