so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
