Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
