how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
