even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
please come you make the beer taste better
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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