Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
