she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
