sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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