God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
