You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My liver just broke up with me...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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