you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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