It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
