capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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